Welcome Back!...to me?

Well, y'all, I've almost survived the past few weeks.  They have been TRYING to say the least.  I'll give you a small taste:

• Each week, I've worked 60-70 hours.  Ouch.  But next week is super light, so I'll get to prop my feet up a bit.
• Pepper had a HUGE medical scare.  She stopped moving, basically.  The vet initially thought it was cancer, but after lots of tests and prayers, she was diagnosed with disco-spondylitis and arthritis in the hips.  That long word means that her vertebrae on her backbone try to fuse together, and when they do, it can break and cause a lot of pain.  I'm coordinating her care between here and Israel, so we're back on track.  And this pug mommy is so relieved that her baby is okay!
• I FINALLY have a court date for my divorce to be finalized in about two weeks.  There was a huge mix up at my lawyer's office (and she graciously took responsibility for it, so I still like her ;-)), and I could've been out of here on my original date of June 18th, but we're going to chalk this up as an "everything happens for a reason" moment.  Basically, I'll know my departure date by the end of June.  Exciting times are ahead!
• Finally, I'm getting ready for a massive garage sale with my best friend, Christina.  Now I have extra pressure to get everything out and gone, as leaving is now in the foreseeable future as opposed to up in the air and no idea.  

Hopefully, since all of this is settled, I can start writing more.  And REALLY getting ready for the move.  So exciting.  So scary.  Can't wait!  We'll talk soon.

Advice to Men

Gentlemen, might I offer this advice for you:  Please do not hit on a woman when she is buying feminine hygiene products.  It's an uncomfortable enough time, please don't make it more uncomfortable.

Case in point.  Scene:  Walgreens early Thursday morning on my way to an exceptionally long day at work.  In need of above mentioned products because that just makes this day even more brilliant.  I get what I need an enter a very empty checkout section of the store, already feeling awkward that the cashier is male (yes, I may be 26, but things like that still make me blush), when he turns to his coworker and says, "You were right, Kathy, she IS a knockout!"  He's looking directly at me, but I look around - ALL around - in hopes that someone else was the intended recipient of this message.  No, no, it is indeed me.  I look up at him, probably with big doe eyes, and say as firmly as I can, "Good morning.  How are you?"  He goes all ghetto on me, saying things like, "Oh girl, it's going to be a good day," and "You take care of yourself now, girl, you hear?"  Mind you, he is mid-40s, yellowed and jagged teeth, t-shirt tucked into jeans, etc.  I tried not to blush, but I'm sure I did simply out of embarrassment, but lordy, he probably thought I was diggin' his attempt at hitting on me.  Of course, I immediately text Christina and Liran and proceed to tell everyone I can at my office, probably in an attempt to get it out of my brain. 

Guys, don't do this.  Don't be this guy.  G-d help him.

Shabbat Shalom, chaverim! 

Musings about Relationships

I was able to do a fair amount of people watching while I was in the mall yesterday with my mom, and I noticed a lot of couples, holding hands, shopping together, sharing...life things?  This hypersensitivity probably comes from my recent "breaking out" of the longing for a relationship, and my negative attitude towards the whole togetherness paradigm is probably well-rooted in that realization.  I just can't shake that icky feeling when I think "together," "love," and "commitment." 

Am I ruined forever on love?  Or just for some undefined amount of time?  I really can't answer that question, although I do see myself as a wife and a mother in the future, so I guess forever is out.  But G-d bless the next man who is put into my life because I. Am. Jaded.

I am having the hardest time in the world picturing a relationship that is completely without abuse.  Completely devoid of one partner manipulating the other or one person changing to satisfy the other.  Maybe it's just because I've had to work so hard these past few months to regain myself, and I am and will be very protective of ME from now on. 

But let's break this down a little more.  And forgive me because perhaps my experience in this matter has been on the negative side and has tainted my view.  A relationship consists of two people who find each other attractive and who ultimately make the commitment to either work together as each person is or to conform/change to fit within some way of being that will benefit the relationship as whole.  Ultimately, change must happen, and the couple can grow together and morph through those changes as a couple.  Am I right so far? 

That sounds all fine and dandy, sweet and optimistic even, but changing myself for someone or asking someone to change for me sounds ridiculous at this point, while the prospect of finding that "perfect match" who compliments me in every single way sounds daunting and unrealistic.  Couple that with me ever feeling like I want to know as much about someone as I know about my ex or have someone know that much about me again, and I'm feeling rather hopeless and...vindictive?  I suppose this is just a good cue that I'm at a time in my life that is supposed to be lived for me, not for me and a partner.  I will get over this whole love-is-icky syndrome, though, right?  I mean, I love love.  Just loving me now instead of someone else.  Yeah, that's a good place to be.

What a Week!

This past week has been a whirlwind of activity, all on the positive spectrum of life.  Let me update you.

So, since I last *really* posted, I went to this great fundraiser for the Gregory Kistler Center here in Fort Smith (they work with kids who need occupational, speech, and physical therapies) with a salsa band, live auction, and lots of food and spirits.  I went with my amazing friend and former dance partner (I guess we could be considered temporary partners until I up and leave again), Marcus, and we really tore up the dance floor!  Unfortunately, neither of us won our silent auction bids, and let me tell you, mine really got out of control, so it's probably good I didn't win it.

Next up was a conscious effort to NOT let work overwhelm me and to not let the lack of professionalism from other coworkers to affect me as much as it has these past few weeks.  Boy, was I successful!  I spent the absolute minimum time necessary in the office, spent extra free time/lunch time in local coffee shops, and found that I was much more energized to see my kids and do fun things after work.  This will most definitely become the norm in my life.  Plus, how much cool stuff is there waiting on Historic Main Street in Van Buren for me to find?!

Here are some pictures from my outing to a very eccentric, local coffee shop:

The owner made a pretty killer dirty chai, as well.  I'll be back this week for sure!  And you can vintage shop while taking a break!  Even better.

I danced some more, worked both jobs some more, and found myself with energy to spare, believe it or not.  Wednesday, I had the privilege of spending an evening with a really great college friend, Bryan, who is now a Captain in the Marine Corp and pilots a V-22 Osprey, you know, just for shits and giggles.  Bryan hasn't changed a bit from those awesome college days in Pomfret Honors Quarters at the UofA.  Judge for yourself -

Bryan and me in his dorm room during the AWESOME going away party he and his roomie threw me before I moved to Rome in 2005.

Me and Bryan, modern day.  He's badass.

Thursday came, and so did a publication about me making Aliyah in the statewide newspaper, the Arkansas Democrat Gazette!  I tried to get the whole article on the web, but it costs money, so I'll try to scan it in or photograph it and post it up here later.  But the front of the article looks like this:

It was a pretty sweet write-up about what I'm doing and where I'm going.  The article even mentions Pepper!  Score!

Friday morning came with another surprise, relating back to the salsa dancing Marcus and I did last Saturday.  Goodness gracious, I must be famous because the Southwest Times Record, a more regional newspaper, published this picture of us getting our groove on!

To cap my extraordinary week off, I finished all the dental work that has been necessary to get my mouth healthy and beautiful over the past year, including having a root canal finished AND all four of my wisdom teeth taken out.  I am currently recovering from the latter, getting really sick of antibiotics and salt water rinses, but I'm happy that it's finished and that it's given me a reason to be totally lazy this weekend.  Y'all, I'm actually having a two day weekend.  This is absurd!  Two and a half days if you count the fact that surgery was midday on Friday, so I only worked half a day.  What am I going to do, being so spoiled and all?

Take a nap.  That's exactly what I'll do.  More to tell later!  Have a fantastic Sunday/Mother's Day!

Neglect

Hey, y'all!  So sorry to have not written much recently.  This week is totally focused on taking the stress out of my life, and with that said, I have been super busy doing FUN things.  I will be sure to write all about it as soon as I have a moment to breathe.  Possibly after my wisdom teeth surgery Friday?  A Valium-driven post might be kind of humorous, no?  Until then, make the most out of today!  Baci!

A New Perspective

Hello, friends!  For awhile now, I've been thinking of topics that I really want to write about on the blog, and they've all been negative or heavy subjects - stress, guilt, abuse of power, etc.  I will get to them, however, my dear friends keep bombarding me with all these beautiful, funny, positive things.  My friend Christina emailed me an article titled "The 21 Most Useless College Majors for Pugs" that made me laugh until I almost cried (google it!).  I had this awful training to go to in Northwest Arkansas, but the ride up there with Amanda and Christina was so funny that we all almost peed ourselves before we got there, and I almost lost my voice from screaming with laughter.  My friend, Liran, keeps making me laugh and inspiring me with his project about being positive and the Law of Attraction (thanks for the blog shoutout, dear!).  My long lost Canadian sister, Bonnie, gave me a huge and unprompted pep talk today about my move and all the amazing changes I've made happen in my life, shifting my focus from the negative to the positive almost immediately.  Geez, I can't get away from it, so I might as well just live it.  :-)

I'm thinking, too, that I can take all the negative in my life and twist it into the positive.  The immense amount of stress at work...is a huge test in how patient I can be, and I'm actually gaining a lot of skills and becoming a great therapist before even going to school for it.  The stress of getting into grad school worked itself out, and I'm probably going to get to stay in America for an extra month (mostly due to this darn divorce not being finalized yet!)...but that allows me to go to Las Vegas with 'Stina for her birthday, which made her super happy and was so worth it (and duh, I'm pumped about it, too!).  I'll also have some badass Hebrew skills by taking these intensive Ulpans and Hebrew classes which will really have me ready for grad school.  I'm in one piece, and great news, I'm cancer free!  Save for one test which I'm waiting on, I will have a stunningly clean bill of health (as soon as I stop letting the stress overwhelm me as it has done this past week).  Lastly, I've created more savings than I thought possible in such a short amount of time, and I can't believe that I'm actually financially secure.  What a feeling!  Sell my car, and I'll be 100% debt free, too!  Yeah, lots of positive going on.

So, Liran, you think this huge burst of positivity and change in perspective will help with my own Law of Attraction???  I think so.  :-)

Have a wonderful day!  Put a huge smile on your face, and as Bonnie told me, KEEP IT THERE!  

Oh yes. This is possibly the biggest waste of money ever. But SO funny!

Israeli Frustrations

Friends, I have been emailing Ben Gurion University feverishly since January when I returned to the States.  I started reaching out to random emails and departments in hopes that someone would help me.  Well, here we are, at the end of April, and I have finally found the person with whom I need to speak.  However, she tells me that the deadline for my program was February 24th and that I should just plan on taking some Hebrew courses until I can get in.  Grrrrrrrrr, really?  Because, if someone had connected with me from the beginning, I probably would've gotten my things in by the deadline.  Oh well.  Looks like my Hebrew will be pretty badass by the time I start grad school in either February or October 2013.  Everything for a reason, I assume?

This is just a small touch of the frustrations I will feel in moving to Israel.  And my gut reaction was, 'Wow, that is very Israeli of them (BGU).'  I'm going with the thought that I'm fairly prepared for these "Israeli ways" and that I am actually dealing with them better than if I was not already used to them.  Test in patience, why not?

Let's recap some of the fun things I did last week:

• I did not lose my cool at work.  Although, I wanted to.  We're adding this to the "fun" list more so because it was a really huge feat of strength.  And is impressive.
• I had a really fun Bar-B-Que with Christina and Brandon (two very dear friends) on Yom Ha'atzmaut (Israeli Independence Day)...and got myself prepared for the total insanity that will happen next year in Israel.  :-)
• I went blonde(r).  Totally in love with my new, summer-y colors.
• I saw the Chippendales LIVE in Fort Smith, Arkansas, if you can even believe that.  The show was a hot mess, as the organizer has possibly never put together a show in her life, but the performance was cheesy and hysterical and exactly what I needed after such a long week.  I even caught one of the dude's shirts.  And had a college-sized hangover the next day, but it was so worth it.
• I went to a swing dance (see previous post) that really just put me in an amazing mood and got me motivated to start looking for things that will be a part of my life in Israel.  I am also allowing myself to start getting excited...really excited...and scared...for this upcoming move.  Yay!

It's all getting real, too, y'all.  I listed my car for sale and am really going to push through the attic this week.  Oh the butterflies are going nuts this morning!  Here's to a productive and happy week.  We'll be in touch.  Baci!!!

Getting My Groove On

"We should consider every day lost in which we don't dance." - Neitzsche

Powerful words to live by, folks.  And, unfortunately, my life has been devoid of dancing for far too long.  With 11 years of dance experience in ballet, tap, and jazz and countless more years with swing, lindy hop, salsa, waltz, tango, two step, what have you, it's pretty silly that I haven't been moving my body these past 4-5 years.  Well, that all changed last night when I went to an awesome swing dance at my friend's beautiful studio.  That old dancing flame was sure rekindled, and I even started looking for places to dance once I arrive in Israel.  I've got some good leads so far...now to just find a partner!

So, I'm going to rely on my dear friends and readers to hold me accountable for bringing dance back into my life.  I am even going to look into learning Israeli folk dancing, as well.  Dance will be a part of my life again, and I'm so excited about what the future holds.  Now to take my aching, out of shape muscles to bed.  Night, y'all!

Our beloved cat, Momo, was killed yesterday by a car. He was such a weird cat with, as I always said, misunderstood character. It's hard losing someone who has been a part of your family for so long, even if they're not human. Thanks for all the laughs, Momo. You will forever be missed. 

Memorial Day Reflections

So, in Israel right now, it is Memorial Day for all of those who have lost their lives in trying to establish the State of Israel.  That includes fallen soldiers, the young men and women who built Israel from the ground up, and victims of terror attacks.  It is amazing to me how almost everyone I know has literally taken a moment to stop and reflect on this and what it means for them.  Israel follows Memorial Day immediately with Independence Day, which I also think is really cool.  Honor those who made it possible and then celebrate Israel turning a year older.  Have I mentioned that I'm super excited about being a part of this so very soon?

I, too, have taken my time to stop and reflect on the heavy meaning of today.  I'll share a story of my first, tiny experience with having the Israeli Memorial Day hit close to home.  I lived in Be'er Sheva during the Second Lebanon War.  I'm sure many of you recall this, as everyone was begging me to come home due to the danger, but I refused because I was so far from it and so insulated from the whole thing.  I remember when the soldiers were kidnapped, Gilad Shalit in the south and Udi and Eldad in the north.  It was a long summer after that, reading daily of the names of those killed in Lebanon and truly being scared out of my mind because I was in a new country...that was at war.  But I stayed and continued my great non-profit work, which was so important, and I had some of the best experiences ever.  I left the day before the war ended, and when I arrived at home and snuggled up in my bed, I read the news, as I had been every day since, and there was a list of names.  Towards the bottom of that list was a name that I, in fact, knew.  I had spent quite some time that summer with Oz's brother, Yossi, who had been a soldier on my Birthright Israel trip and who had become a close friend by that point.  I spent time at their house, even borrowed Oz's bed one night when it was too late to get a bus back to Be'er Sheva.  But there was his name, Oz Tzemach, listed as one of the soldiers killed that last day of fighting.  I called a friend immediately and confirmed that the worst was true.  And all of this was before I had a huge network of Israeli friends and "family."  How easily one can be affected in such a small country.  I guess it's because of that that everyone so fervently takes a moment out of their day to reflect on the true meaning of a Memorial Day.  May all those fallen be of blessed memory. 

LOVE my Monday morning commutes to Cedarville, AR. Beautiful sunshine and a delicious smell in the air. Plus, you see things like a tiny shop for oil changes AND unlimited tanning all in one and cowboys driving tiny Chevy Cavaliers. Happy Monday!

What's in a Name?

So, I promised to share with you the conversation that Liran and I had about what my name should be in Israel.  Let me give you our conclusions:

Megan just won't work, as it will be pronounced MAY-gan, Mah-gan, MaGen, MeeGan.  Then he throws out "Ortal," a fairly typically Israeli name.  What?!?  My exasperation with this project was growing, as my name is simply Megan, "Meh-gan," but darnit, there just aren't the right vowels to properly make my name!  Dilemma!

So, this game morphs.  He says I need a Hebrew name, and I share with him that I have one - Meira, "Meh-ir-ah."  Therefore, my name becomes Meira Ortal Turner, but then he decides my last name should actually be Amzaleg, which is much more Israeli than Turner.  I then point out that Turner was the last name of the mayor of Be'er Sheva, the city where I am moving, a few years back, but he says that he doesn't want people to get us confused...me, confused with an older Moroccan man.  Nice.

So then I become Meira Ortal Turnerovitch.  And I protest because I am not Russian.  So it morphs into Meira Ortal van Turnerski.  Which I take to be German, but which he points out is a tip of the hat to my Dutch heritage.  I then say if we are doing that, we obviously have to include my Native American heritage, so he changes it yet again to Chief Meira Ortal van der Turnerski.  I add a little more flavor to it, and, drum roll...my new name upon arriving to Israel will be:

Chief Meira Ortal van der Turner-Howling-at-the-Moon-ski

I swear to you, I almost peed my pants at the end of this conversation.  Random, but I also want to share what I ate yesterday, as it is pretty sad to admit.  I ate:  a bowl of oatmeal, yogurt, two vegetarian corndogs, a handful of "dipping corn chips," a wheat roll with butter, and two mini Zebra cakes.  I'm definitely losing weight and getting lots healthier, but if this kind of championship eating continues, I'm sure that won't be the case.  Lol

Take that, Monday!  I am laughing on your dreaded morning!  Baci, amici!

An Emotional Day

Well, today.  Today is soon over, and for that, I'm thankful.  I took on a project this morning that has been, literally, looming over my head for months now.  I began cleaning out the attic of my things.  This was, of course, after listing a lot of my "break-up jewelry" on Craigslist and Facebook and working my tail off at Old Navy.  I had just told a friend yesterday that I didn't think I was ready to get rid of all the small things from my relationship, not because I'd ever consider going back, but because it is sad and because it just doesn't seem right to throw away things that I had once thought I would cherish forever.  But something snapped today, and I got the inner strength to let those things go.  I did a massive purge of relationship-related items, and continue to list items with some value on the internet to try and sell.  I'm also digging through many lost memories and snapshots of my hoarding behaviors from when I was younger, throwing away three huge boxes of dirty, nasty papers and junk that have just taken up space all these years.

Yes, I am physically tired.  Yes, I am even more so emotionally tired.  I do feel like I got a good start...perhaps clearing out 1/8 of my things from the attic?  That puts a dent in the whole shebang, especially since I'm finding a lot to put in a garage sale/donate at the beginning of June.  Again, my To Do List between now and then is slightly overwhelming, but after such a productive day like today, I think I'm working in the right direction.

Let me finish my post with sharing some very inspiring words written to me by a dear family friend, of blessed memory, on the day of my Bat Mitzvah:

"You are entering one of the oldest religions that exists on earth.  Be diligent in confirming and preserving the principles and beliefs that millions have died to maintain.

In the years ahead there will be obstacles to overcome and decisions to make.  In those years be careful to cultivate a composure that will avoid a conscious or inadvertent word or phrase that will offend or denigrate a friend or acquaintance, and remember that a smile is often more effective than a retort.

As much as possible avoid unseemly or violent language, as they are degrading to the character.

Also be aware that all humanity is born equal.  It is what we do with the equality that makes us different.  When we diminish one part of humanity we are all diminished."

Pretty powerful words.  I'm very glad to have found this now, on this part of my journey.  Have a good start to your week, friends.

The Princess is IN

This is Princess Pepper. And I'm trying to see how this mobile posting works!

The List...of "To Do"

I've been focusing today on getting a list together of all the things that I must do, that must happen before I leave in June.  I'm finding that if I write it down, it doesn't overwhelm me as much.  And y'all can hold me accountable for getting this stuff done.  :-)

• make driving plans to NYC - I'm driving so that I can take more luggage with me and so my sweet pug doesn't have to be on three different planes.
• sell/donate all my crap from my house that isn't going with me, including in the attic, the garage, and my closet.  Garage sale, coming soon!
• attend the court date that will make my divorce finalized...TBD.  This will then set the ball in motion for all of my immigration paperwork to be finalized, as they are "patiently" waiting for this divorce decree to do so.  I might also mention that this will finalize my departure date, as well.  It's such a thrill having that hanging up in the air.
• finish dental/doctor appointments:  teeth cleaning, follow-up to a second root canal, wisdom teeth removal, lady doctor fun, and a mammogram to check out a lump I recently found.  Joy.
• sell my car - anyone looking to buy a killer blue 2007 Mazda 3 with lots of fun extras?
• work both jobs relentlessly so I can keep saving money.
• train the princess to survive in a kennel...finalize her trip plans, including buying her plane ticket.
• pack my life into three suitcases.
• see as many people as I can before I go.  This should probably start happening soon, as the time is quickly winding down.

I'm quite sure this isn't all, and the day to day to do list definitely never ends.  But I can do it, right?  I'm looking towards a month or two long vacation once I arrive in Israel, so the prize at the end of this will be worth it.  Or shall I say at the beginning of this?  Since Israel will be the huge, beautiful beginning to a new chapter in this life.  Time to rest up so I can get crackin' again!

Here's the song of the journey...by Journey...

And So It Begins...

"Life" has been a keyword for me over the past half year, and I've had to really work on this whole aspect of --living-- recently.

Where to begin?  If you do know me, you're pretty aware of what massive life changes have happened.  If not, let me give you the Reader's Digest version:
1.  I ended my relationship of four years with my husband (we had only been married six months) after realizing how abusive he was to me.
2.  I took a three week trip to Israel in December/January which led to...
3.  Deciding to move my life to Be'er Sheva, Israel via immigrating which led to...
4.  Deciding to go to grad school at Ben Gurion University for my Masters in Social Work...
5.  Which finds me here, in April, two months away from leaving and processing a lot of emotions, fears, and desires.

So, I decided to write about this process.  The frustrations of immigrating to a new country with such a distinct character and "Israeli" way of doing things.  The fear of leaving my parents and my stability.  The heartfelt desire to be in a country so close to my heart, living the true Zionist dream.  The realization of how far I have come in the past six months to simply be me again.

Great, now I'm crying.  But, as my dear friend Liran told me, emotional writing is "the best kind of writing."  He's definitely right, and he's pursuing his own amazing social experiment which you should check out here.

And he has now effectively distracted me from this first blog post by discussing, in depth, what my name should be in Israel, since Megan is very hard to transliterate appropriately.  I'll share our discussion at a later time.  :-)

Thanks for choosing to come on this journey with me.  It'll be full of laughs, for sure, with some tears of joy and some screams of frustration and anguish along the way. 

I'll leave you with a beautiful song by an Israeli artistic group, the Idan Raichel Project, that just about sums it all up.  This is the best I could find - it doesn't quite do the song justice!